the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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