Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wear drunk well.
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