She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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