I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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