discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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