Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
