Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
