I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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