Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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