And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize