There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
