I smell stomach acid.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
