The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
