On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think people are normalizing furries
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
