I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
