Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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