I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
