am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
