I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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