We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize