Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
