I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
