so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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