I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
