I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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