Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
