this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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