Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
