1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
