google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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