Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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