I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
