Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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