Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize