i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
