we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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