i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
