please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
