I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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