I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
