I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize