I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
