just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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