You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
