Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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