I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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