College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
