did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
