If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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