I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
