A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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