please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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