ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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