sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize