i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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