I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
