I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
