I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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