Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
