Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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