it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
