That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
