Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
