Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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