well I can't set my house on fire every night
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
