Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
