Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
