I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
