That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
