I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
