She said her name was "party"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize