Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
