She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
