I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Come on in and take your pants off
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